In My Stubborn Loneliness
by Pyrochan
Summary: Rufus x Reno / Reno x Rufus [shounen-ai/yaoi] "I don't want to say good-bye," Reno looked at the blonde's unconscious form, "Because we've been through so much already."
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: FF7 and all of it's lovely bishounen don't belong to me. They belong to all those Squaresoft people who I wish I were working for. *cries* Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something. 

Author's Notes: Yes, I know this has been done over a million times already. Humor me, and let me write my version? This is a yaoi Rufus x Reno / Reno x Rufus fic. So if you don't like that, then go away. :P It starts out with _that_ scene, but I hope to dig more into Reno's pre-Shinra days and Rufus' pre-vice president days.

**********************************************************************************

****

In My Stubborn Loneliness -- Prologue

**********************************************************************************

His plan backfired on him. Literally. 

"Sir! A mass of high density energy is headed towards Midgar!"

A flicker of fear rushed through him as he quickly turned around to look out the window. He could only watch as several blasts impacted to the left and to the right of him. He stood near the window, too stubborn to turn and find his escape. One headed right towards his office, and his eyes narrowed, refusing to accept defeat.

"Finish me off...if you can." the whisper barely left his lips before the explosion came and he was thrown into darkness.

Green eyes widened as the explosion hit. His entire body froze. For a moment he couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. Time seemed to stop, and when the shock left him, all he could do was scream one name.

"Rufus!!"

His arm was grabbed before he could run back.

"Reno stop!" Rude commanded, tightening his grip on the redhead's arm.

"I have to go get him!"

"There's nothing you can do," Rude's voice was firm.

"Don't tell me that!" Reno shouted at him, glaring.

Rude let him go and Reno took that chance to run back to the crumbling city. On impulse, Rude grabbed out his handgun, aiming it at the fleeting redhead.

"You're not going to shoot him, are you?!" Elena gasped, speaking for the first time since the explosion.

Rude had almost forgotten she was there. She was usually so noisy. He flinched in surprise, putting his gun back in his shoulder holster, and shaking his head solemnly.

Reno didn't look back as he entered the city that him and the other two Turks had just fled from. He had to get to the Shinra building...and quickly. There were small fires, smoke, debris...sirens were going off as workers rushed to get any surviving victims.

Naturally, the elevators were not in working order. Reno cursed under his breath and glanced at the stairs. Sixty-flights up. Adrenaline still rushed through his body as he worked his way through the distruction and obstacles, until he finally got further to the top floor.

In his head, he had memorized the floorplan of this building. He had been working in this place for the past several years, so it was important that he knew every route, every shortcut. 

The smoke was thicker up here, and the heat was imense. He put his hand over his mouth and kept running. From the fifty-eighth floor, he could see the destruction that was further up. And then he saw _him._

"Oh god..." his voice was muffled behind his hand.

Tears were running down his face, but he didn't know if that was because of the smoke or the fact that he was crying due to the display before him. The President Rufus Shinra lay on the ground, covered in blood and burns. Reno ran to him. 

"Rufus!" Reno cursed several times, feeling on Rufus' neck for a pulse, for anything that would show that the man was still alive. 

His eyes widened when he could feel a pulse, although very faint. He felt the rest of the blonde's body for any severe fractures. He slipped his hands under Rufus' body, lifting him up.

"I'll get you out," Reno promised, "Just please, please don't die on me!"

**********************************************************************************

Author's Notes: I know...it's just a short little teaser. But prologues are supposed to be short, ne? This is my first FF7 fic. I only write for big fandoms like this when I'm _really_ inspired. Um...anybody curious enough to request that I continue? I don't have anything else written as of yet, but I have a few things plotted in my head. Ya know...angst, a little sap, perhaps a tasty lemon or two, more angst. 

Oh and updates will only be as often as my muses cooperate with me. *frowns* They are very erratic as to how often they will be of help.


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: FF7 and all of it's lovely bishounen don't belong to me. They belong to all those Squaresoft people who I wish I were working for. *cries* Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something. 

Author's Notes: Look! I remembered that I was writing this fic. ^^;; Yep. I'm jumping right into their pasts. I made this up myself, but I wouldn't be too surprised if this has happened in other fics that cover either Rufus or Reno's pasts. *shrug* I worked to try to perfect this chapter, but I wouldn't rate it that high. I'm not 100% pleased at how it turned out, but it will do. Hope you enjoy reading. ^_~

**********************************************************************************

****

In My Stubborn Loneliness -- Chapter One

**********************************************************************************

Maybe that's how it always worked. Rufus wouldn't know. You only get one time to live and Rufus lived through what life threw at him, not really looking at it as whether it was supposed to happen or not. It did happen and there wasn't much that he could do about it, but wait. Wait until he could change things himself.

He could have blamed it all on his father. He could have blamed it all on his mother. He could have blamed it on the fact that he was a Shinra. He could have blamed it on the fact that most people hated Shinra. 

Instead, he blamed it on everyone. He hated everyone, but they should all be happy that he treated them equally-- like garbage. He looked upon top executives in the Shinra building no better than he looked upon people barely managing to stay alive in the slums. He hated them all.

To him, being President did not mean that he would serve people for the better of the world. They would serve him, for the better of himself. He was arrogant, rude, selfish, cold-hearted, vain, greedy and he knew it. He didn't care though. It wouldn't matter if he were the nicest person in the world, he was still Shinra...and that name would earn him both respect and deep hatred from others.

He never got close to anyone. Ever since his father had always distanced himself from him, Rufus distanced himself away from everyone. Better to not love, than to lose love. Rufus hated to lose. He hated failure. Perhaps even sometimes he hated himself, but no one needed to know that.

Some say that he had always had the same cold attitude, but that was only because they never remembered what he was like _before_ his father sent him away. Sure, he had never fit the role of the sweet angelic child, but he hadn't always been like this.

When he was younger he was quiet and somewhat shy. He never talked to people unless he was going to make a point in whatever he said. He was intelligent for his age, inheriting that from both parents. His mother was sly and cunning, his father was a natural leader and managed people and work in an efficient business-like manner.

His father sent him to live in Junon when he was eight years old. The sending away part made Rufus feel like he wasn't needed. He hated that feeling, at the time. He also knew that living in Junon would be better than in the Shinra building. He hated Midgar.

In a way, Junon actually became a sort of hometown for him. He lived there for twelve years, until the role of Presidency was thrown at him upon his father's death. 

Being President...yes, this was the day he had patiently waited for, for a long time.

He had been taught to hate Shinra, but he didn't understand his parent's logic. Of course, Reno never adopted anyone's ideas except for his own. If he were to despise something, that would only be because _he_ hated it, not because his parents and all the neighbors did.

Consequently, he wasn't too surprised when his parents got angry at him when he announced that he wanted to go to Midgar only to join the ranks of Shinra. The way he looked at it, Junon Harbor was a very boring town and he couldn't stand living in such conditions for long.

He couldn't quite remember if he had left because his parents threw him out or if he had run away from home. It didn't matter. He had made it to Midgar by stowing away on a load of cargo that was headed for Midgar. All he had with him were the clothes he was wearing and the gil that he had stashed away for this moment.

They told him that at age ten, he was too young to join SOLDIER. He scowled at that, and was reduced to living in the slums. There was no way that he would go back to Junon now. He made a small living stealing what he could and working odd jobs. Even then, he was still barely surviving. Those in SOLDIER didn't want a thin lanky boy on their team.

They had no choice after all. A great war began when he was fifteen. SOLDIER was recruiting all the people they could, and Reno was finally able to join their ranks. In training, he was never good on the field. His combat skills weren't very impressive. He would have been kicked out if it weren't for a fluke chance that he got to show off what other skills he had.

He didn't know how he did it. He had never worked on computers that much before. Yet, he figured out how to hack into computer systems very quickly. Technology, not hand-to-hand combat was his offensive forte. Instead of being sent to kill a group of the enemy's men, he was sent to infiltrate an enemy's base and destroy their information and blow-up the base itself.

Skills as that caused him to go up a few ranks in SOLDIER. By the time he was seventeen, he was in First Class. The war ended a year later and another group in Shinra came looking for his skills. They were called the Turks. 

Reno had never heard of this group, though they -the Turks- had been around for a decade. Heidegger was in charge of recruiting new Turks, and because Reno was impressive in the work he did, a request -though it was actually a demand- was sent out that he be recruited into the team.

The group had only two other members, Tseng and Rude. At first, Reno didn't think he could get along with his team mates, until he got to know them after awhile. Officially, the Turks were in charge of recruiting people for SOLDIER, but that wasn't the only things they did. Body-guarding was another job, as that was what Rude did most of the time for the President. Tseng had his own top-secret mission, involving a special girl. 

Reno soon received his own personal job, which was also body-guarding. Unfortunately for him, it required him to return to the very town he escaped from, Junon. He had two objectives. One was to watch over the President's son, and his 'unofficial mission' was quietly destroying rebel factions that seemed to run amuck in that city.

That was the requirements for being a Turk. Look good, and play dirty.

He recognized them, but he wasn't sure if they would recognize him. Reno had already pledged his life to Shinra. As long as he wasn't the one getting hurt or screwed by the corporation, he didn't care about what they did. He was paid well, and he lived in a very nice suite.

He'd found a place in society that he actually enjoyed. It was too late to turn around now, even if he had no desire to go back to that life anyway.

In his hiding place, he could watch, but not be seen. They talked in code, but it hadn't taken Reno long to figure out what those words had actually meant. He was a natural at figuring out codes, as he had proved so many times before.

All he had to do, was wait until the area was clear, then he would destroy everything. All the information that they had been collecting would be nothing but useless junk after he was done with it.

The security in this area wasn't much. Some rebels. They couldn't even keep a very good low-profile. Sure, he had yet to find out where their main hideout was, but Reno knew he would have that information tonight. Just a little more waiting...he could be patient.

A gun being pressed against the back of his head was feeling he definitely did _not_ like. He froze, praying to whatever gods there were that the person behind him would not pull the trigger. He was grabbed roughly by the shoulder and made to stand up. Swiftly, he slipped the detonator to the few bombs he had set up around the area under his jacket sleeve.

He always had placed bombs in the area in case of a failed mission. Usually his technique was just to infiltrate and destroy, not blow up. This would be a worst case scenario, and he hoped that with a little luck, he'd get out alive and not have to be one of the casualties in the explosion.

The area he'd been hiding in was dark, and he was dressed in dark clothes. How had he been found out? Perhaps it was his red hair, but even it wasn't very bright in the darkness. He glanced at the group of rebels that he had been watching, his eyes widening in surprise that they were looking straight at him. 

Had it been some sort of set-up? None of them had given away any hints that they had noticed him, yet now he was surrounded. He frowned. Not even a year in this business and already he had failed a mission. Pathetic, he thought.

The gun never left his head as he was forced to walk into the brighter area and sit in a chair. He looked around, and noticed that he recognized a lot of the people. Damn, that would definitely make it harder to kill them. But...as his training went, those that went up against Shinra were to be considered just faceless rebels.

"Reno?"

He turned his head towards the source of the voice. So he had been recognized. A man paused before him and Reno's eyes widened slightly in recognition of the person. His father.

"It's been, what? Eight or nine years? But I fear you didn't come back to help us destroy Shinra, hm?"

Reno shook his head, "No Dad," the name sounded foreign on his tongue, "I didn't."

"Shinra is evil."

Those three words had been repeated so many times in his childhood. Yes, Shinra was evil, now that he saw the way they worked. But he would still stay loyal to them. He remained silent.

"You being a part of Shinra makes you evil as well."

"I'm only doing my job," Reno defended.

The older man glanced at Reno and nodded, "We're only doing our job as well."

"Look, I didn't come here to kill any of you, so don't provoke me into doing it," Reno told them.

"And if we let you go?"

"Then I won't kill you as long as you stop what you're doing," Reno stated.

"If you were anyone else, I would have you killed, but I don't think I can bring myself to do that to you, despite the bad decisions you have made in life," the man turned away from Reno, "You can go."

Reno stood up from the chair he had been sitting in and proceeded to leave.

"Reno?"

The redhead paused.

"We're not going to stop until Shinra is destroyed. If I, or anyone else, sees you around here or any of our other hideouts again, we will kill you on the spot. This was your only chance to get away. You're nothing but Shinra scum to me now."

__

You've sealed your fate then, sadly. Reno thought bitterly. He nodded, "I understand."

He kept walking away from their hideout and waited until he was far enough away before he pressed the button on the detonator. The explosion rang in his ears, but he refused to look back to see what the damage looked like.

Faintly, he could hear the shrill shriek of sirens. He kept walking. Later on the news that night, he would find out that there were no survivors in that explosion. Such was the bitter life of a Turk. He wondered if he could get a promotion for completely wiping out Junon's rebel faction in one swoop.

**********************************************************************************

Author's Notes: Yes, yes...I know. I will have some Rufus and Reno interaction in the next chapter. I just wanted to get this stuff out of the way first. I know it doesn't seem like Reno is too bothered by killing all those people he knew, but he is. Perhaps the guilt or whatever will catch up with him in later chapters, or maybe he'll just bury such feelings away...I don't know yet.


End file.
